I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Rumble strips road head = magical
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
