Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
