is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
