Got a toothbrush?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
