i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
