Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
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