i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
