dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
