belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
