i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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