Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
