how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
my poor anus
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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