Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
