i wish my penis had a tongue
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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