Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I understand Curling. That high.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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