Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
