I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
