He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
