I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
