Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
