Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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