We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize