you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
