I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
