I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
