Tell her she can't have a vagina
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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