i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize