i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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