Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
well most of my day revolves around power hour
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
