she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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