Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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