i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
