needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
