I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
