remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
