in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
