I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
