We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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