my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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