Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
you will always have a special place in my vag
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
