fuck your aforementioned shoe
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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