If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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