Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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