she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
