I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
