i just wanna soil my oats bro
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
