Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize