Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.

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(940): View more from Texas

I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...

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(317): View more from Indiana

Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.

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(417): View more from Missouri

How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.

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(817): View more from Texas

I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.

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(217): View more from Illinois

Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch

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