all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
