mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize