Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Randomize
