I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
