By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
