Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Is it because I queefed?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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