Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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