remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
