The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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