everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
