Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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