If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
