This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
