Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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