I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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