guys are not supposed to queef...right?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
