My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
