look no pants
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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