I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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