bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We left an ass print on the piano.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
