i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
