I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
