she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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