Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
